My Daily Dose of Life

1. Marriage is not a word. It's a sentence (a life
sentence).

2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore
marriage is an institution for the blind.

3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses
his bachelors Degree and the woman gets her masters.

4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement
ring, wedding ring and suffering.

5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year,the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they
both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.

6. Getting married is very much like going to a
restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the
other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.

7. There was this man who muttered a few words
in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered
something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and
taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

9. Son: How much does it cost to get married,
Dad? Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient
China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her. Father: That happens
everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is
the alarm clock.

12. They say that when a man holds a woman's
hand before marriage,it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.

13. When a newly married man looks happy, we
know why. But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

14. There was this lover who said that he would go
through hell for her.They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

15. Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's
arm soon have arms in woman's sink.

16. When a man steals your wife, there is no
better revenge than to let him keep her.

17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in
America, the rest cheat in Europe.

18. After marriage, husband and wife become two
sides of a coin. They just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

19. Marriage is a man and a woman become one.
The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman
he loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.

21. I married Miss right, I just didn't know her first
name was Always.

22. It's not true that married men live longer than
single men, it only seems longer.

23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.

24. A man was complaining to a friend: I HAD IT
ALL - MONEY, A BEAUTIFUL
HOUSE, THE LOVE OF A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,
THEN POW! IT WAS ALL GONE. WHAT
HAPPENED, asked his friend. He says - MY
WIFE FOUND OUT.

25. WIFE: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
HUSBAND: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway lights on.

26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to
another: AREN'T YOU WEARING YOUR RING ON THE WRONG FINGER?
The other replied, YES, I, AM. I MARRIED THE WRONG MAN.

27. Man is incomplete until he gets married; then
he is finished.

28. It doesn't matter how often a married man
changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE
WANTED. The next day he received a hundred letters and they all said the
same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.

30. When a man opens the door of his car for his
wife, you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new or the wife is.

Interesting and can be done. Try it people.

This makes MORE ADDITIONAL PRESSURE against gas
companies lately.The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we
couldn't continue to "hurt" ourselves by refusing to buy gas. It was more of an
inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.

Please read on and join us!

Currently, unleaded gasoline is over P33.00 and it is still going up (sometimes
unnoticed). Despite the fact that a barrel of oil has gone down to US$62 from
US$70 (when Superstorm Katrina hit New Orleans), gasoline prices are still going
up instead of a downward trend.

Worst, the big oil players such as Caltex, Shell and Petron claim that they are
still losing money. It is time we need to take aggressive action to teach them
that BUYERS control the marketplace....not sellers. The only way we are going to
see the price of gas go down is if we hit them back by not purchasing their gas!

And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. How?

Since we all rely on our cars, we can't just stop buying gas. But we CAN have an
impact on gas prices if we all act together to force a price war.

Here's the idea:

For the rest of this year, DON"T purchase ANY gasoline from the two biggest
foreign oil companies such as SHELL and CALTEX.

For now, let us buy gas only from Petron and/or small players such as SeaOil,
Total, etc.

If CALTEX and SHELL are not selling any gas, they will be forced to reduce their
prices and if they reduce their prices, other companies will have no choice but
to follow suit. Thus, the start of a price war. In this way, the buying public
wins.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Shell and Caltex
gas buyers. I am sending this note to about thirty people. If you send it to at
least ten more, e.g., 30 x 10 = 300 and those 300 send it to at least ten ore,
e.g., 300 x 10 = 3,000 and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth
generation of people (and granting all will cooperate), we will have reached
over THREE MILLION car owners!

Again, all you have to do is just send this to 10 people and

DON'T purchase ANY gasoline from Shell and Caltex. Remember, the main idea is TO
FORCE A PRICE WAR and not hurt ourselves or the economy.

That's all.

How long would all that take before we can feel the effect? If each of us sends
this email out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 3 MILLION
people could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!! Acting together
can make a big difference.

If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.

PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE P20.00/LITER RANGE AND KEEP THEM DOWN.

It is a pleasure for me to receive an invite from Yahoo to test their Yahoo Publisher Network. At first I was skeptical because I am an existing Google Adsense publisher. But as what most webmastes would do, I gave it a try and was surprised at the results. In 10 days, I have earned in YPN what I would normally earn in Google for 3 months! This means more revenue for publishers like me. I tried different schemes to test YPN and Adsense alternatively on my websites, and with the same number of clicks per day, Yahoo pays almost 900% more than Google. Of course I thought maybe something was wrong because YPN is in Beta testing as of now, but as I search different forums, YPN publishers share the same experience. As of now, 75% of the ads that I display in my sites are from Yahoo. Maybe this strategy is used by Yahoo in order to drive webmasters to shift from Adsense to YPN. I'm glad I gave it a shot.

Do you need a contractor for a residential house or up to a 6 storey building?

If the project is within the Philippines along the CALABARZON (Cavite, Laguna, Batangas, Rizal, Quezon) area, we would gladly provide you a free consultation and design for your construction project. No strings attached, you will only pay us if you will use our design or if we will end up signing a contract for the complete construction project.

Our estimates and designs are very competitive, we can even provide you a free trip to some of our previous projects.

If you are interested, just send an email to gcortez@gmail.com

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako HOW TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"Kung kayong dalawa ay magpapatayan, doon kayo sa labas! Mga leche kayo,
kalilinis ko lang ng bahay."

2. Natuto ako ng RELIGION kay Itay.
"Kapag yang mantsa di natanggal sa carpet, magdasal ka na!"

3.Kay Inay ako natuto ng LOGIC.
"Kaya ganyan, dahil sinabi ko."

4. At kay Inay pa rin ako natuto MORE LOGIC.
"Kapag ikaw ay nalaglag diyan sa bubong, ako lang mag-isa ang manonood ng
sine."

5. Si Inay din ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang ibig sabihin ng IRONY.
"Sige ngumalngal ka pa at bibigyan talaga kita ng iiyakan mo!"

6. Si Inay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung ano ang CONTORTIONISM.
"Tingnan mo nga yang dumi sa likod ng leeg mo, tingnan mo!!!"

7. Si Itay ang nagpaliwanag sa akin kung anong ibig sabihin ng STAMINA.
"Wag kang tatayo diyan hangga't di mo nauubos lahat ng pagkain mo!"

8. At si Inay ang nagturo sa amin kung ano ang WEATHER.
"Lintek talaga kayo, ano ba itong kuwarto nyong magkapatid, parang dinaanan
ng bagyo!"

9. Ganito ang paliwanag sa akin ni Inay tungkol sa CIRCLE OF LIFE:
"Malandi kang bata ka, iniluwal kita sa mundong ito, maari rin kitang alisin
sa mundong ito."

10. Kay Itay ako natuto kung ano ang BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Tumigil ka nga diyan! Huwag kang mag-inarte na parang Nanay mo!"

11. Si Inay naman ang nagturo kung anong ibig sabihin ng GENETICS.
"Nagmana ka ngang talaga sa ama mong walanghiya!"

12. Si Inay naman ang nagpaliwanag sa amin kung anong ibig sabihin ng ENVY.
"Maraming mga batang ulila sa magulang, di ba kayo nagpapasalamat at mayroon kayong magulang na tulad namin?"

13. Si Itay naman ang nagturo sa akin ng ANTICIPATION.
"Sige kang bata ka, hintayin mong makarating tayo sa bahay!"

14. At si Itay pa rin ang nagturo kay Kuya kung anong ibig sabihin ng RECEIVING.
"Uupakan kita pagdating natin sa bahay!"

15. Si Inay naman ang nagturo sa akin kung ano ang HUMOR.
"Kapag naputol yang mga paa mo ng pinaglalaruan mong lawnmower, wag na wag kang tatakbo sa akin at lulumpuhin kita!"

16. At ang pinakamahalaga sa lahat, natutunan ko kina Inay at Itay kung ano
ang JUSTICE.
"Isang araw magkakaroon ka rin ng anak, tiyak magiging katulad mo at
magiging sakit din sa ulo!"

Ibang posisyon
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: That?s a good idea dear?.doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman
ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.

Pinoy ingenuity?
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that enlarges a man ' s sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects. It ' s called a magnifiying glass.

Vibrating cellphone
Mrs: Bilis! Nahulog cellphone ko sa loob ng panty ko, nagba - vibrate.
Mr: E anong gagawin ko? Kukunin ko sa panty mo?
Mrs: Gago! Kunin mo yung charger baka ma-low bat!

Regalo
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni PARE ang birthday gift mo ah?
Mrs: Oo nga,7 months na di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.

Kriminal
KRIMINAL1: "Pare, sigurado ka bang dito dadaan yung papatayin natin?"
KRIM INAL2: "Oo, nagtataka nga ako, 1 oras na tayo dito wala pa rin siya! Sana naman walang nangyaring masama sa kanya...

Si Gino
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: Lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

Tutpik
Customer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang ang dali pang mabali.
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo sir, ang dami ng gumamit nyan,pero kayo lang nakabali!

Confident Vs. Confidential
Anak: Itay, ano kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak
ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

Panchito, Babalu, Dolphy
Panchito: Vitamins ko ABC -- Alak, Babae at Cigarette.
Babalu: Ako naman DEF -- Damo, Egg at Frutas.
Dolphy: Ako, from A to Z. Alma to Zsa Zsa.

First love never dies
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies?"
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang Tatay mo, hanggang ngayon buhay pa ang animal!

Suko sa mister
Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako binubugbog bago niroromansa...
Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang niroromansa.

Pagod daw...
Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
Mrs: Cge ka, pag ayaw mo maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
Mr: Cge, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!

Pari't Madre
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na ako panty!

Estudyante
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500 Studiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa studiante.
Bugaw: Meron din, sir. Ang PRINCIPAL ok yun!

After the wedding
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!

Pamboboso
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun, ah ! Ano ginawa mo?
Anak: Inalis ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di n'ya makita!

Promotion
Judge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang dito humaharap sa korte ko, ha?
Swindler: Your honor, hindi ko kasalanan kung hindi po kayo ma-promote.

Ampon
Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon ka!

Ang sulat
Patient: dok. malungkot d2 sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang sarili ko...
Doc: e ano namn laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: d ko pa po alam kc next wik ko pa ata matatangap...

Immigration
Arab interview at US immigration:
Q: Your name please...
A: Abdul Aziz
Q: Sex?
A: Twice a week.
Q: I mean male or female?
A: Does not matter...sometimes even with camel.

Liit naman
Wife: honey... bili mo naman ako ! ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka ng magbra...liit namn dede mo e..
Wife: E bat ikaw naka brief !!!

Downy
GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba syempre ah!!! Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!!!
GIRL: Ginagamitan mo rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!

Hide and Seek
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. if u find me, papayag akong makipag-sex sa'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lng ako ng piano...

Ngongo
dumating c ngongo sa bahay at tinakpan ang eyes ni misis....
Ngongo: "nges hu?"....
MRS: gago!!!! pa-nges hu nges hu ka pa jan....e ikaw lng ngongo d2!

Madre
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre1: diyos ko! patawarin mo po cla...d nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa.
Madre2: ay yung sakin marunong!!!!

Rape Suspek
ATTY: Inday! pwede mo bng idiscribe d2 sa korte ang taong nangrape
sayo?
INDAY: maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong at bungal...
SUSPEK: cge!...mangasar ka pa!!!!

Lost a Bird
a priest lost a bird & asked during mass...
Priest: anyone got a bird?
all men stood up.
Priest: i mean, any1 seen a bird?
all women stood up.
Priest: i meant any1 seen my bird?
...all nuns stood up

Dalawang Sira ulo....
Sira1: Magaling ka na ba?
Sira2: Oo namn!!!
Sira1: Talaga?...kaya mo bng 2mawid sa ilaw ng flashlight ko?
Sira2: Ano ko cra? e pano kung patayin mo flashlyt mo?...e d nalaglag pa ko!!!

TEACHER and BOY
TEACHER: Anong mangyayari pag puputulin ang 1 mong tenga?
BOY: hihina po pandinig ko.
TEACHER: e kung dalawang tenga?
BOY: lalabo po paningin ko!
TEACHER: baket naman?
BOY: malalaglag po salamin ko.